I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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