Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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