How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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