Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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