You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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