I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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