He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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