I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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