Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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