I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
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Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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