I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize