seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
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I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize