I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize