My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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