I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize