you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
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Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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