I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize