you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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