i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im holly from the hills drunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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