I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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