i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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