Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize