I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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