He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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