Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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