Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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