Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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