he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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