I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize