I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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