Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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