Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
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I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
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"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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