Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
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Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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