he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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