I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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