you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize