I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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