I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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