Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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