ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize