he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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