I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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