he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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