I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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