Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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