No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i believe in u and ur pee
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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