Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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