Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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