just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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