Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize